Everything has changed...

Wow, lots can happen in just a short amount of time.
It's been quite a while since I have been on this think called a blog. It's quite interesting to know that just a few months ago, this was the new thing that everyone had to have. Now, no one really remembers what this thing even is.
So, thinking back, to all of those blogs that I wrote saying how much I hated "him", it has brought me to now. Since February 27th, 2009... We have been together and truly, we are one of the strongest couples I know. He makes me so happy in every way and I don't even know what I would do without him. He bends over backwards for me, he makes me feel like I am on top of the world. I honestly love him to death.
When going through this kind of thing, I have had almost all of my friends make me choose between them, and "him". But, if they were my real friends, would they really be making me choose? No, they wouldn't. Friends are supposed to be there through thick and thin, and my "friends", were not.
But anyway, the point of this blog was to tell anyone who is reading this, that yeah, a lot of shit may happen on the path to happiness, but once you get there, it's better than anything you could ever dream of.
I now can look back at all the horrible things that have happened in these past years, and laugh. It has all led me to now. Where I can say my life is almost perfect. I have everything I could ever want.
This is what happiness feels like.

The Past Changes Everything.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot of what's happened in the last year.
There has been so much drama and so many fights.
I've made friends and lost them along the way. But I've just been thinking of all the nasty things people have done to me.
I remember, last year, this girl made up a rumour and blamed the whole thing on me, every single one of my friends except one turned against me... Shows how much they were my true friends eh? Then the girl whom I thought was my best friend threw the top of a flute at my face, this ended up bruising my cheekbone and could have blinded me but thankfully didn't. I had a black eye for a week and this was all because she was following what others had said about me.
There was so much more drama, but that's the stuff that sticks in my mind. It's hard to think that the girl who threw that at me.. is now my best friend. Everything can change in a short time, you just have to let it happen I guess.
I've learned a lot through my experiences and in the end it does end up working out. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so all the crap we go through ends up benefiting us in some way in the end.
We sit around and wait for the right thing to happen, but nothing ever will happen if you just spend your whole life waiting. I have realized this in the last month. Things have really been amazing lately because I did something and tried at it until it worked. I'm not saying everything will go our way if you keep pushing for it, but who knows, it could.
The past changes everything. Every move you make in life changes what happens in the future. One thing leads to another and then you move along on this journey through life. I've decided that I have to remain positive through tough situations. All the fighting that happened in the last year has changed who I am today and has made me a stonger person overall.
Everything happens for a reason.

Dreams, do indeed come true.

The last week has been absolutely amazing. Things are a billion times better than they were before the break. I'm happier now than I have been for a very long time.
I have the guy I've been wishing for. Well, that's not exactly true. I'm not dating him.. But we act like we are.
We hold hands and hug all the time. I know. Seems quite boring compared to what you've done. Yes you, whoever you are reading this.
But, he walked me home today and kissed me. Right in front of my house.
Let me tell you, when he breaks my heart next time.. I'll never be able to stand there again. Haha.
Things at home are great too.
I'm getting along with my Mom now. And my Dad and I are still close. It's amazing.
My marks in school are up and I'm still doing well.
And... the best part... There's no drama. I hate drama with a passion. It's a total waste of time.
Anyway, I'm going to go and play some Rockband and WiiFit. Yeah, that's right. Be jealous.
- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Random facts.

I really dislike when people lie to me or anyone.
Boring people bore me.
It takes a lot for me to love someone.
People who change their mind too much annoy me.
Happy people make me happy.
I like bright colours.
There's a huge difference between a good hug and a bad one.
There's a difference between love and being in love.
Dancing is life.
Drumming is a stress reliever.
I want to be a nurse practitioner.
I like surprises... Sometimes.
Fighting is pure hell.
I've always wanted to be kissed in the rain held tightly in someones arms, taken totally off-guard.
Randomness is amazing.
I won't let a guy push me to do something I'm not ready for.
Flirting... Is my hobby, I'm a huge one. But not if there's a guy in my life.
I reaaaaaally dislike when people use the word hate. (Especially against someone)
When I fall for someone, I fall hard.
It takes me forever to get over someone I'm really into.
Laughing is my thing. I do it too much.
I try, really really hard at things I shouldn't be trying for.
My friends are amazing and I love them.
If I don't like what you're saying, I won't listen to it.
Jake Ryan thinks I'm beautiful. : D
I love music. Especially music by Lucky Me.
I'm WAAAAAAY too remorseful.
My eyes are hazel.
When I'm sad, you can see it.
Hugs are amazing, I love them.
I get jealous/jelly (bahaa) too much.
Daisy's are my favourite flower.
I like sitting around campfires.
The hammock at my trailer has to be one of my favourite places.
Summer is my favourite season.
White gold is prettier than yellow gold.
My Dad is my everything.
Felicia Stathakis is my favourite grade seven.
'Perhaps' is a funny word.
I absolutely hate when people bring up the past.
Screaming helps.
It's quite annoying when guys hold your hand the same way they used to hold their Mom's hand.
I love to smile and make people happy.
That's just me.

What now...?

Good morning. It's very early, but I couldn't sleep. Insomnia tends to do that to you.
So, I haven't really written on here in a while. Sorry.
Let's go back to my last post. I was still head over heals for him, even though so much had happened. I felt like I should have been hating him, but I couldn't seem to let go.
My friends were very helpful to me during this whole thing. They were helping me to let go. And it really did help. Plus, the things that he was doing made me really want to let go. For me, letting go isn't something you can just, you know, do. I have to want to let go in order to actually do it. None of my friends knew, but I always still just had that little bit of hope in me that something would turn around and life would go back to before the Christmas break. They all thought I hated him and that there was no way of me liking him ever again.

They were wrong.
Actually, so was I.

Everyone thought that was the end... My last straw you could say. As a matter of fact, I did too. He went away sick for a week and through that time, it really did help me to let go, for good. But he came back from being sick a few days ago... And that was when I really knew, I didn't let go. I watched him flirt with my friends. That hurt. Really bad. It was like a total slap in the face.

But here's where it gets good...
I was talking to him a few nights ago and he said something that I didn't really understand at the time. This by the way, was one of the first times that we had talked in about 2 or 3 weeks. I was saying to him that we should just pretend that it never happened. But then he said, "we can't, and it would be awkward not liking each other."
What? I didn't quite know how to take that. did that mean that he likes me again? And that the only way that would work to communicate would be to like each other again? Or did it mean that he didn't want any communication with me at all? I would soon find out.

Yesterday, it was normal. We ignored each other at school, pretending that we had never even talked the night before. Typical. Then, my friend comes in the class and tells me that she was talking to him in the hall... About what? Me. She claims that he still likes me. But I can't really believe her can I? Like, everything he's done, it makes it pretty clear that he's done with me.
As the bell rang, we walked out the back doors, I didn't know if it was just me, but it looked like he was purposely walking slow so that I would catch up to him. Hmm. He held the door open, and I did too. Our hand almost touched. But really, like anything could ever happen between us again. As we turned around one corner of the school he starts beating up his friends (playfully, I think). He only does that to show off. It's cute. Sort of. So, I just kept walking, then I eventually had to pass him. So I punched him lightly in the stomach. Contact. Let's see what happens... Nothing. Okay? So I continued on to the front of the school, hugged all my friends goodbye for the long weekend, this was all at the same time that he was throwing my friend to the ground... Yes, she is a girl. So I left. And I went home. Logged onto msn. He did too. So I started a conversation.

Me: I think we made some progress today.
Him: You think so?
Me: Yes! We came in contact! I'm punched you!
Him: I prefer hugs, but you were on Steve the whole day.
Me: I hug him because he my best friend. And I'll remember the hug comment next time I go to punch you.

Blah blah blah.

Him: I hate school, I liked it better when we were closer.
Me: Closer?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Closer friends you mean right?
Him: Not really.

Whoa. What the hell!? He's so damn confusing! Like, honestly, pick a side! Like me or don't.

Then later on in the conversation, he pretty much said straight up that he never stopped liking me. And what do I do? I turn to goo and fall for him... AGAIN!

I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly, I've never really gotten over him either, but I just don't know how much more pain I'll be able to with stand. If I do end up falling hard again, I just wish he'd let me down gently. He has two very different sides. Dick and completely amazing guy.

The game that he plays is confusing, but somehow, I'm able to follow. Maybe hard ball is the way to play. If only I knew how. Haha.

So anyway, lets see what happens. I'm not going to set my standards high, because they'll just get crushed in a second. I'll make it through whatever happens this time. I hope.

- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Always Me.

I'm so mad at myself right now. I'm too god damn remorsefull!
I'm always the one that ends up saying sorry in the end for something I never even did. He just told me that the reason that he "randomly" stopped liking me was my fault. Of course, everything's my fault. It's always my fault. AND THEN! Then, he tells me that he doesn't give a shit anymore. Owch, another stab in the chest. Like, how am I upposed to take that?
I don't think that he understands why I was mad at him though (when we came back to school) because I think thats why he stopped liking me.
I was mad at him because I was told that he went and got a girlfriend when I thought he still liked me, even though that (apparently) wasn't true. And then I was mad because I heard rumours that him liking me was all a joke. I know it doesn't sound like much, but if you think about it from my perspective then it's totally different. Can you imagine if the person that you really really liked suddenly got a girlfriend/boyfriend and you knew nothing about it and he/she never said anything to you? And can you imagine how it would feel if you found out that the guy/girl that liked you only did it for a joke with his/her friends? Who knows, it may not seem like much to you, but to me, well, it just seems like I'm the only one in the world who knows about anything that's going on.
If he reads this, then maybe he could figure out why I was so mad and such a bitch. I don't really know what'd going to happen next but I don't think it can get much worse from here.
I'm not asking for anything from anyone, I'm just venting, because that's what this blog is for.
Life can suck sometimes, in many different ways.
I guess you could explain it like a pile of laundry. You keep throwing pieces of laundry in the pile but it never seems to make it's way down to the washer and dryer. The pile keeps getting bigger and bigger and harder to move. One day, the pile will get so big that it's unable to be moved. My pile is getting pretty darn big. I just wish it would go away.
It's probably a stupid way to explain it, but I don't know another way I can.
All of my friends are just telling me, don't think about the bad stuff, think about the good stuff, but they just don't get it.
I hate it when people tell me how to live. They aren't living a day in my shoes, so how would they know?
Anyway, I'm going to go, dinner soon, then one of my bestfriend's is coming over. Bye,
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Friends? Apparently not.

Have you ever had one of those friends that you think you can trust with anything? One that you thought wouldn't turn on you no matter what? One to not laugh at you when all the rest are laughing? Yeah, well I have many friends that I can trust and depend on for many things, but two suddenly showed me a very different side of them that I had never seen before. These two guys are (were) amazing and great friends. But as soon as shit happens with "him", they totally don't even care if they're doing anything to hurt me at all. They're just his little followers. They sit and laugh. Purposly knowing hat I know they're doing it. They do things along with him to get on my nerves.
Urgh! The one person hurts me the most. He and I were really close and all he does now, is obey "him". They've all turned into such dicks. They sit in class today laughing at me. I just wanted to scream, "FUCK OFF!" but I thought twice. It probably wasn't the best time for that.
They seriously don't get it, none of them do. They think it's just some harmless teasing going on right? Well they haven't been through it all as many times, and as many hard times like me. I must have a sign on me saying "I'm an easy target" or something. Because they all seem to aim at me.
Well, now that I've lost two friends and lost "him", it just makes life great.
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

'Its Never Enough...'

I'm so sick of pretending everything's okay.

Grrness.

So first, today sucked.
Second, this girl is pissing the hell out of me!
She thinks that she's the queen of the whole world and that she knows everything. She starts drama and makes everyone feel like total shit.
She doesn't understand half the things that we talk about though. She evesdrops and then puts in her word on what she thinks of the situation. If we wanted her to know what we were talking about, we would have told her right? Yes.
I'm seriously that last person to talk shit about other people, I don't like doing it, trust me, but she's driving me up the wall!
Argh. Today was hell.
I wish he had of come to school, that was another thing that made the day suckish.
Anyway, me and my best friend are moving ot Australia because we don't like snowstorms. Especially walking to school in them. Barf!
Well, Toodles.
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Confused.

So, I am so very extremely comfused right now. You know how I said all of that stuff about "him"? Well, aparently none of it is true. Yikes, right?
I also just recently found out that him liking me was all a joke. I don't think I should believe all these things I'm hearing, but I still listen to what people have to say. That's their problem if they want to spend their time spreading rumours about other people just to hurt someone. Yes, rumour spreader... You know who you are.
So, I can't believe through everything, and all the tears I've cried, that I'm the one that is apologizing.
To you, meaning "him", I am sorry. I was a bitch when I didn't even have my facts straight. I hope you can forgive me.
I just wish I could rewind to December 18th. That day was amazing.
Everything was perfect and I took it all for granted. I just wish I could go back to those days and savour every single second of it.
I hope we can figure out a way to forget everything that's involved with all these rumours. It's just added drama.
I'm sorry. Truely.
flirty girl. ( L ) xx.