Everything has changed...

Wow, lots can happen in just a short amount of time.
It's been quite a while since I have been on this think called a blog. It's quite interesting to know that just a few months ago, this was the new thing that everyone had to have. Now, no one really remembers what this thing even is.
So, thinking back, to all of those blogs that I wrote saying how much I hated "him", it has brought me to now. Since February 27th, 2009... We have been together and truly, we are one of the strongest couples I know. He makes me so happy in every way and I don't even know what I would do without him. He bends over backwards for me, he makes me feel like I am on top of the world. I honestly love him to death.
When going through this kind of thing, I have had almost all of my friends make me choose between them, and "him". But, if they were my real friends, would they really be making me choose? No, they wouldn't. Friends are supposed to be there through thick and thin, and my "friends", were not.
But anyway, the point of this blog was to tell anyone who is reading this, that yeah, a lot of shit may happen on the path to happiness, but once you get there, it's better than anything you could ever dream of.
I now can look back at all the horrible things that have happened in these past years, and laugh. It has all led me to now. Where I can say my life is almost perfect. I have everything I could ever want.
This is what happiness feels like.

The Past Changes Everything.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot of what's happened in the last year.
There has been so much drama and so many fights.
I've made friends and lost them along the way. But I've just been thinking of all the nasty things people have done to me.
I remember, last year, this girl made up a rumour and blamed the whole thing on me, every single one of my friends except one turned against me... Shows how much they were my true friends eh? Then the girl whom I thought was my best friend threw the top of a flute at my face, this ended up bruising my cheekbone and could have blinded me but thankfully didn't. I had a black eye for a week and this was all because she was following what others had said about me.
There was so much more drama, but that's the stuff that sticks in my mind. It's hard to think that the girl who threw that at me.. is now my best friend. Everything can change in a short time, you just have to let it happen I guess.
I've learned a lot through my experiences and in the end it does end up working out. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so all the crap we go through ends up benefiting us in some way in the end.
We sit around and wait for the right thing to happen, but nothing ever will happen if you just spend your whole life waiting. I have realized this in the last month. Things have really been amazing lately because I did something and tried at it until it worked. I'm not saying everything will go our way if you keep pushing for it, but who knows, it could.
The past changes everything. Every move you make in life changes what happens in the future. One thing leads to another and then you move along on this journey through life. I've decided that I have to remain positive through tough situations. All the fighting that happened in the last year has changed who I am today and has made me a stonger person overall.
Everything happens for a reason.

Dreams, do indeed come true.

The last week has been absolutely amazing. Things are a billion times better than they were before the break. I'm happier now than I have been for a very long time.
I have the guy I've been wishing for. Well, that's not exactly true. I'm not dating him.. But we act like we are.
We hold hands and hug all the time. I know. Seems quite boring compared to what you've done. Yes you, whoever you are reading this.
But, he walked me home today and kissed me. Right in front of my house.
Let me tell you, when he breaks my heart next time.. I'll never be able to stand there again. Haha.
Things at home are great too.
I'm getting along with my Mom now. And my Dad and I are still close. It's amazing.
My marks in school are up and I'm still doing well.
And... the best part... There's no drama. I hate drama with a passion. It's a total waste of time.
Anyway, I'm going to go and play some Rockband and WiiFit. Yeah, that's right. Be jealous.
- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Random facts.

I really dislike when people lie to me or anyone.
Boring people bore me.
It takes a lot for me to love someone.
People who change their mind too much annoy me.
Happy people make me happy.
I like bright colours.
There's a huge difference between a good hug and a bad one.
There's a difference between love and being in love.
Dancing is life.
Drumming is a stress reliever.
I want to be a nurse practitioner.
I like surprises... Sometimes.
Fighting is pure hell.
I've always wanted to be kissed in the rain held tightly in someones arms, taken totally off-guard.
Randomness is amazing.
I won't let a guy push me to do something I'm not ready for.
Flirting... Is my hobby, I'm a huge one. But not if there's a guy in my life.
I reaaaaaally dislike when people use the word hate. (Especially against someone)
When I fall for someone, I fall hard.
It takes me forever to get over someone I'm really into.
Laughing is my thing. I do it too much.
I try, really really hard at things I shouldn't be trying for.
My friends are amazing and I love them.
If I don't like what you're saying, I won't listen to it.
Jake Ryan thinks I'm beautiful. : D
I love music. Especially music by Lucky Me.
I'm WAAAAAAY too remorseful.
My eyes are hazel.
When I'm sad, you can see it.
Hugs are amazing, I love them.
I get jealous/jelly (bahaa) too much.
Daisy's are my favourite flower.
I like sitting around campfires.
The hammock at my trailer has to be one of my favourite places.
Summer is my favourite season.
White gold is prettier than yellow gold.
My Dad is my everything.
Felicia Stathakis is my favourite grade seven.
'Perhaps' is a funny word.
I absolutely hate when people bring up the past.
Screaming helps.
It's quite annoying when guys hold your hand the same way they used to hold their Mom's hand.
I love to smile and make people happy.
That's just me.

What now...?

Good morning. It's very early, but I couldn't sleep. Insomnia tends to do that to you.
So, I haven't really written on here in a while. Sorry.
Let's go back to my last post. I was still head over heals for him, even though so much had happened. I felt like I should have been hating him, but I couldn't seem to let go.
My friends were very helpful to me during this whole thing. They were helping me to let go. And it really did help. Plus, the things that he was doing made me really want to let go. For me, letting go isn't something you can just, you know, do. I have to want to let go in order to actually do it. None of my friends knew, but I always still just had that little bit of hope in me that something would turn around and life would go back to before the Christmas break. They all thought I hated him and that there was no way of me liking him ever again.

They were wrong.
Actually, so was I.

Everyone thought that was the end... My last straw you could say. As a matter of fact, I did too. He went away sick for a week and through that time, it really did help me to let go, for good. But he came back from being sick a few days ago... And that was when I really knew, I didn't let go. I watched him flirt with my friends. That hurt. Really bad. It was like a total slap in the face.

But here's where it gets good...
I was talking to him a few nights ago and he said something that I didn't really understand at the time. This by the way, was one of the first times that we had talked in about 2 or 3 weeks. I was saying to him that we should just pretend that it never happened. But then he said, "we can't, and it would be awkward not liking each other."
What? I didn't quite know how to take that. did that mean that he likes me again? And that the only way that would work to communicate would be to like each other again? Or did it mean that he didn't want any communication with me at all? I would soon find out.

Yesterday, it was normal. We ignored each other at school, pretending that we had never even talked the night before. Typical. Then, my friend comes in the class and tells me that she was talking to him in the hall... About what? Me. She claims that he still likes me. But I can't really believe her can I? Like, everything he's done, it makes it pretty clear that he's done with me.
As the bell rang, we walked out the back doors, I didn't know if it was just me, but it looked like he was purposely walking slow so that I would catch up to him. Hmm. He held the door open, and I did too. Our hand almost touched. But really, like anything could ever happen between us again. As we turned around one corner of the school he starts beating up his friends (playfully, I think). He only does that to show off. It's cute. Sort of. So, I just kept walking, then I eventually had to pass him. So I punched him lightly in the stomach. Contact. Let's see what happens... Nothing. Okay? So I continued on to the front of the school, hugged all my friends goodbye for the long weekend, this was all at the same time that he was throwing my friend to the ground... Yes, she is a girl. So I left. And I went home. Logged onto msn. He did too. So I started a conversation.

Me: I think we made some progress today.
Him: You think so?
Me: Yes! We came in contact! I'm punched you!
Him: I prefer hugs, but you were on Steve the whole day.
Me: I hug him because he my best friend. And I'll remember the hug comment next time I go to punch you.

Blah blah blah.

Him: I hate school, I liked it better when we were closer.
Me: Closer?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Closer friends you mean right?
Him: Not really.

Whoa. What the hell!? He's so damn confusing! Like, honestly, pick a side! Like me or don't.

Then later on in the conversation, he pretty much said straight up that he never stopped liking me. And what do I do? I turn to goo and fall for him... AGAIN!

I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly, I've never really gotten over him either, but I just don't know how much more pain I'll be able to with stand. If I do end up falling hard again, I just wish he'd let me down gently. He has two very different sides. Dick and completely amazing guy.

The game that he plays is confusing, but somehow, I'm able to follow. Maybe hard ball is the way to play. If only I knew how. Haha.

So anyway, lets see what happens. I'm not going to set my standards high, because they'll just get crushed in a second. I'll make it through whatever happens this time. I hope.

- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Always Me.

I'm so mad at myself right now. I'm too god damn remorsefull!
I'm always the one that ends up saying sorry in the end for something I never even did. He just told me that the reason that he "randomly" stopped liking me was my fault. Of course, everything's my fault. It's always my fault. AND THEN! Then, he tells me that he doesn't give a shit anymore. Owch, another stab in the chest. Like, how am I upposed to take that?
I don't think that he understands why I was mad at him though (when we came back to school) because I think thats why he stopped liking me.
I was mad at him because I was told that he went and got a girlfriend when I thought he still liked me, even though that (apparently) wasn't true. And then I was mad because I heard rumours that him liking me was all a joke. I know it doesn't sound like much, but if you think about it from my perspective then it's totally different. Can you imagine if the person that you really really liked suddenly got a girlfriend/boyfriend and you knew nothing about it and he/she never said anything to you? And can you imagine how it would feel if you found out that the guy/girl that liked you only did it for a joke with his/her friends? Who knows, it may not seem like much to you, but to me, well, it just seems like I'm the only one in the world who knows about anything that's going on.
If he reads this, then maybe he could figure out why I was so mad and such a bitch. I don't really know what'd going to happen next but I don't think it can get much worse from here.
I'm not asking for anything from anyone, I'm just venting, because that's what this blog is for.
Life can suck sometimes, in many different ways.
I guess you could explain it like a pile of laundry. You keep throwing pieces of laundry in the pile but it never seems to make it's way down to the washer and dryer. The pile keeps getting bigger and bigger and harder to move. One day, the pile will get so big that it's unable to be moved. My pile is getting pretty darn big. I just wish it would go away.
It's probably a stupid way to explain it, but I don't know another way I can.
All of my friends are just telling me, don't think about the bad stuff, think about the good stuff, but they just don't get it.
I hate it when people tell me how to live. They aren't living a day in my shoes, so how would they know?
Anyway, I'm going to go, dinner soon, then one of my bestfriend's is coming over. Bye,
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Friends? Apparently not.

Have you ever had one of those friends that you think you can trust with anything? One that you thought wouldn't turn on you no matter what? One to not laugh at you when all the rest are laughing? Yeah, well I have many friends that I can trust and depend on for many things, but two suddenly showed me a very different side of them that I had never seen before. These two guys are (were) amazing and great friends. But as soon as shit happens with "him", they totally don't even care if they're doing anything to hurt me at all. They're just his little followers. They sit and laugh. Purposly knowing hat I know they're doing it. They do things along with him to get on my nerves.
Urgh! The one person hurts me the most. He and I were really close and all he does now, is obey "him". They've all turned into such dicks. They sit in class today laughing at me. I just wanted to scream, "FUCK OFF!" but I thought twice. It probably wasn't the best time for that.
They seriously don't get it, none of them do. They think it's just some harmless teasing going on right? Well they haven't been through it all as many times, and as many hard times like me. I must have a sign on me saying "I'm an easy target" or something. Because they all seem to aim at me.
Well, now that I've lost two friends and lost "him", it just makes life great.
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

'Its Never Enough...'

I'm so sick of pretending everything's okay.

Grrness.

So first, today sucked.
Second, this girl is pissing the hell out of me!
She thinks that she's the queen of the whole world and that she knows everything. She starts drama and makes everyone feel like total shit.
She doesn't understand half the things that we talk about though. She evesdrops and then puts in her word on what she thinks of the situation. If we wanted her to know what we were talking about, we would have told her right? Yes.
I'm seriously that last person to talk shit about other people, I don't like doing it, trust me, but she's driving me up the wall!
Argh. Today was hell.
I wish he had of come to school, that was another thing that made the day suckish.
Anyway, me and my best friend are moving ot Australia because we don't like snowstorms. Especially walking to school in them. Barf!
Well, Toodles.
flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.

Confused.

So, I am so very extremely comfused right now. You know how I said all of that stuff about "him"? Well, aparently none of it is true. Yikes, right?
I also just recently found out that him liking me was all a joke. I don't think I should believe all these things I'm hearing, but I still listen to what people have to say. That's their problem if they want to spend their time spreading rumours about other people just to hurt someone. Yes, rumour spreader... You know who you are.
So, I can't believe through everything, and all the tears I've cried, that I'm the one that is apologizing.
To you, meaning "him", I am sorry. I was a bitch when I didn't even have my facts straight. I hope you can forgive me.
I just wish I could rewind to December 18th. That day was amazing.
Everything was perfect and I took it all for granted. I just wish I could go back to those days and savour every single second of it.
I hope we can figure out a way to forget everything that's involved with all these rumours. It's just added drama.
I'm sorry. Truely.
flirty girl. ( L ) xx.

I Love New York. School, Not So Much.

New York is honestly an amazing place. Everyone's smiling as they're driving down the street in their cars or as they're making their way down the sidewake, whistleing away like nobody's watching. It's great. I love New York.

So, I went there yesterday, drove back today. It was nice. I only came back with two shirts though! So unlike me.

Anyways, school's tomorrow. Mixed emotions about that. I want to go back to see everyone... Well, not everyone. That's where the other emotion kicks in. I'm terrified to face him, walk past him, look at him, talk to him, just anything to do with him is terrifying me right now. Ahh.

So anyhoo, today when we were back in Niagra Falls, we went and ate lunch at Mic n' Angelo's. Yum, I love Italian food. On with the story, my waitress and all the other people who worked there were all gathered by the kitchen like staring at me. And I mean staring. Like, they had no fear of me seeing them saring at me. I was like, "Mom, is something on my face?" She told me that I looked fine. So then, this middle aged woman with a cell phone in her hand and a brown haired ponytale came over to our booth. She said, "Oh my gosh! This is crazy! You look exactly like my daughter!" I was sitting there like, wtf? Then she pulled up a on her cell phone of this girl who looked almost identical to me. I was like "Oh my gosh!" So then, she started like taking pictures of me with her cell phone from all different angles to show her daughter when she got home. It was so extremely awkward.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

New year! :)

So, the New Year has finally come around. This is the time of year where people dedicate themselves to silly resolutions, stick to them for about a month and then give up on what they've started.
Me, well, I don't normally make resolutions, but this year... Well, this year's different, so I decided to give it a shot for once. The funny thing with the resolution I made is that it's sort of out of my control. In a way.
I decided that I'm not going to plan out everything in my head like it's a fairytale world. I always do that, which is pretty stupid because I just set myself up for disappointment.
My original resolution was to not fall for a guy that will never feel the same way. But then I realized, that's even more out of my control then the one I'm sticking to now is.
So, I'm not quite sure how long I'll be able to stick to this, but I'll try... And that's all that counts, right?
Toodles for now. ( L ) xx.

Lots to say...

So since I dind't have a computer for a very long time, I wrote all of my blog thingies that I would usually write on here, on paper. There's a lot! So I'm going to go through day by day. Here we go...

December 23rd, 2008 (Tuesday) 11:18 p.m.
Hello! Long time no talk/type/blog, whatever. Two days until Christmas! I can't believe it, literally. It seems like there should be another month ahead before Christmas should come. This is honestly (to me) the best time of year. Everyone's happy, mostly and decorations are up, everyone eats like crazy, memories are made and families come together for a special occasion. I love Christmas! Maybe it just seems like Christmas shouldnt be here yet because I have other things on my mind... *cough*cough*him*cough*cough*
It's been really hard liking him lately. I haven't seen him in almost a week and it's driving me insane! What makes it worse, is I still dont have a computer to talk to him on! I might not be getting it back until later in January!! Urgh! So anyhoo, today, my bestfriend and I gave each other our Christmas gifts. She gave me two amazing shirts from Garage, and a whole bunch of other stuff that tie into inside jokes. Also a couple things that are completely random, but they are things that I adore. I gave her a pair of p.j.'s, earings, cndy canes, bath salt, bath gel, and insid joke of something that will help her sleep, and the smallest chocolate bar ever! Ahha, it was fun. We also filmed two new episodes or our coolio show that we have. Rofl.
So also, while she was over, her boyfriend called my house like ten billion times. He and my bestfriend were constantly talking about how much they hate "him". They just don't get it. She is my bestfriend, so I take her opinion into consideration a lot of the time. Even though I totally hate what she says about him. Grr. And when they say stuff about him, it hurts me too, because, I'm the one hat likes him. It sounds weird, but it makes sense in a weird way. I wish she could just see past all the stuff he does . It makes me so mad. Urghh! I've asked her to stop dishing him in front of me, but does she listen...? No.
Anyhoo, today was my Mom's birthday. Hbd Mom.I'm so very jelly of her! She got an iPod nano chromatic! It's purple too! I wish I could trade iPod's with her, ha. So, my amaaaazing cousins came down to spend her birthday with us. They'e both totally hilarious. I wish they were my brothers instead of cousins. They amaze me! (yn)
So tomrrow's Christmas Eve, Sanata comes. Ahha. So, I'm going to bed now.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

December 24th, 2008 (Wednesday) 11:07p.m.
I'm sitting in my room not making a sound. Why? Because I'm listening o my parents fight just outside my bedroom door.
"Its your family!"
"It's your fault!"
"I'm the one who pays the bills!"
I can hear it all.
Anyway, I'll try and tune them out. So today, I went shopping, out for lunch, went to my father's office to give him a coffee, came home, did my hair again,went to church (the one and only time I go in a year), go home, eat pizza (Christmas Eve tradition), go to my Grandma and Grandpa's, come home and then got to where I am now.
Doors are slamming. Including mine.
The fight is over.
I hear someone coming.
It was my Mom. She gave me my Christmas Eve present (tradition). It's a beautiful heart necklace from Fossil(?). I love it.
So Cristmas is almost here. My Mom just made me pinky promise her that I wouldn't go down stairs until tomorrow morning bcause she just stuffed my stocking.
Tomorrow should be fun... I hope.
I have four minutes left and then lights out.
I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas! :)
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

December 26th, 2008 (Friday) 11:46p.m.
Merry late Christmas!
Mine was fantastic, what about yours?
I got a lot of stuff. An overwhelming amount I would say. The boxes are all sitting beside me, in my room, piled on top of each other. My room is cram packed with gifts. Except for an area in the middle.
I use that small space to play Wii Fit. Ahha. It's amazing. I've been "working out" all day! If thats what you want to call it.
I got a TON of clothes! I'll probably have a new outfit every day for a month!
It was so hilarious when we were opening the presents because my Dad was sitting beside me and I opened a present from my Nana that kind of I guess you could say kind of "shocked" my Dad. I pulled my present out of the box and it was a polka dot lacey thong. Haha. The look on his face was priceless!
Otherwise, I got 11 hair products, a new round brush, 7 books, chocolates, 3 bras, a calendar, bill abong purse, lip gloss, body spray, amazing ski bag (along with all my other ski stuff), earings, 3 c.d.'s, make-up brushes, another thing for my Wii and NINTEEN boxes of clothes. I'm spoiled.
And then there comes the food, my favourite part of Christmas. I ate soooo much! I'm still bloated! I'm glad I still have a week to get back to a normal body shape! Ahha.
So, my Mom and I just watched Mama Mia, I hate it. It's too much of a musical. Barf.
Kso; Here I go onn yet another vent abou "him".
Ready? Probably not. Oh well.
So, I'm trying to erase him from my head/thoughts, whatever. I think about him waaaaaay too much. The hard thing is, everything makes me think of h!im! I can't watch t.v., movies, listen to music because all of those things lead me to think of "him"! I might as well go bury myself in a dep, dark hole... Then I might be able to get him off my mind! It actually hurts to think about him, so umh, owch! Cuz, I kind of always am!
For some weird reason, I have a feeling he's completely forgotten that I exsist 's probably off making-out with some other girl. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but it's just a thought. I can only hope that isn't what is acually happening. Ahha. So, I'm really tired, so I'm going to try and go to sleep now.
Everytime I think of him from now on, I'll think of something completely and utterly random... Like, umh... An ostritch or emu or something cool like that. xD
Rofl, goodnight. ( L ) xx.

December 27th, 2008 (Saturday) 3:11 p.m.
Kso; I just finished picking my heart up off the ground and stuffing it back in my chest. Why? Hmm... Gee, I dont know. Maybe because my bestfriend just called to tell me some fantastic news. Not. "He" has a girlfriend. What the haaay? (Yes Courtney, hay is indeed for horses.) So I was totally right about what I wrote about yesterday!
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
I just got my bestfriend to log onto my blog and write a post for me. I tried to make it seem nic an sweet, like I'm totally okay. Ha! We all know thats a crock! Oh my God! You don't even know how I feel right now! Actually I don't even know how I feel right now! Anger, tears, sadness, regret, stupidness, pointless and hurt. I guess you could say I have some mixed feelings. About twelve minutes ago, I promised mysel that I couldnt be mad at him for this because I had no control over the situation. But now, all the former thoughts of things he said are rushing through my head.
"I like you a lot, I just don't want a girlfriend."
"I miss you so much."
"I can't stop thinking about you."
He's a load of shit. If he couldn't stop thinking about me, then don't you think he might have thought about how I would feel after I found out about this?
He probably could care less about how I feel right now. He normally would, but ater the move he just made it's changed everything. He's probably thinking, "oh who cares, she'll get over it eventually." Yeah, key word... Eventually.
Random thought: The song Happily Never After is amazing.
Honestly, I should have just listened to my bestfriend and her boyfriend. They told me tons of times that he was going to screw me over, but I wouldn't believe them because that wasn't the guy that I knew. If only I had listened to him, I would have saved myself another heartbreak.
Either Cupid hates me or I just alays hapen to fall for the wrong guys. Which one is it?
There's so much I could say right now, but most of it would be too rude to direct to just one person. I just wish I knew why. I seriously dont understand how someone could just do that. This is now the third time in one year that I've gotten my heart crushed. All done different ways too. I wonder if guys like, sit up at night and plot how they'll lead on and then break the heart of the next girl. Do men have feelings whatsoever? Urgh! I wish for one day, just one day that they could be a girl and go through the hings we do everyday. 1. Get lead on! 2. Get your heart crushed. 3. Get ditched by their friends. 4. Period time! 5. Grounded! 6. Experience a thing called feelings.
That'd be nice.
God! They dont understand anything the way we do! Us girls take thins to the heart, guys take everyting to the dick. Guys are in things (like a relationship for example) or what they'll get out of it. That pisses me off.
Urgh! It's going to be soo toally awkward going back to school. I wish it wasn't this way, but that's just how the cookie crumbles most of the time.
I really dont care that I'm writing all is in my blog because its not like he'll ever navigate his way to this page ever again.
It's probably a good thing that I don't have my computer right now. Not talking to him, is for the best.
He TOTALLY led me on though!
He's had tons of experience with girls though. So I guess I kind of should have been expecting it? No. I shouldn't have. He wasnt like this a week ago.
So, I'm just blabbering on. 'm probably boring whoever is reading this. It's not my fault you decided to waste your time reading about my retarted life.
Anyway, I'll talk/type/blog to you later.
Bye, ( U ) xx.

December 29th, 2008 (Monday) 8:58p.m.
My life as a teenager is quite boring. Aside from all the drama.
I've done absolutly nothing all day. Sigh.
That is, except for reading the best book on Earth. The Breakup Bible. Ahha, it' not actually a "breakup bible" its a book... like a story. Very funny. You should read it.
So, right now, I'm lying on my bed, writing this, while I'm listening to my Mom sing a very off pitch version of "Lady" by The Stix. Maybe her getting an iPod wasn' a very good idea.
Well, you're probably wondering if there's a continuatin to the venting that was written on Saturday. Sure, why not. So, I'm starting to accept t he fact that he is indeed datng her and is so completely over me. I realize how angry I was at the time (along with along with all those other mixed feelings too) and now that I just read back over it, it seems kind of humourus. It's not like I was his girlfriend, so he pretty much had the total right to date her. I'm not defending what he did to me, because it wasn't right, but Im just saying, I didn't really see th ings from his perspective before. What he did was I guess okay, but I'm not.
But the good thing is, I'm not a total bummer to be around anymore.
I am sooo dreading going back to school though. What will happen? Will we ignore each other? I hope not. Be friends? I don't want to go back there! Back to where we were? Yeah, I only wish. Iunno, we'll have to wait and see. Urgh, this is so lame and geeeey!
Bye. ( L ) xx.

December 30th, 2008 (Tuesday) 11:57p.m.
Today was fun.
I went skiing with my Grandfather! I got ot try out all my new stuff. My skis havn't been waxed yet, so they were sticking to the snow. I wiped out as soon as I got on the first hill. It was hilarious! But then it was really fun!
So I just got back from my other bestfriend's house. She's amazing I love her to death. She actually here right now. She says hello... :S
So, tomorrow's New Years Eve.
New year, new beginning.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

Here We Go Again..

okay, well this isn't actually me right now, well it is me talking to a friend on the phone telling her what to write. this is cuz i STILL don't have my computer back.
i hope everyone had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!! i got an interesting surprise today.
Congratulations to me i just got screwed over once again.
I must be the biggest idiot on earth. to ever think anything would happen.
all his i don't want a girlfriend shit. and now he's got a girlfriend..
no warnings or anything.! ouch.
i try to make it seem like everything is okay in my head. but really it hurts like hell. i just wish for once, this one time only, that something would work out for me. i know we're young and i'm not getting married anytime soon. On one side i have to think how could i have fallen for all of this. and on the other side i have to think how could he have done this to me. this should be interesting going back to school in a week.
byeee for now i guess,
lovee me and my phone buddy. ( L ) xx.

ThisSucks..!

okay well this is a really big bummer.
Now i don't get my computer back until late January!
That means i cant talk to ANY of my friends over the Christmas break, i know... how suckish.
Another bummer...
I haven't seen "the guy" since last Thursdaaay. So yeeeah, I'm pretty much missing him to death. The only upside to this time of year is that Chirstmas is in three days. JEEZ! Why does Christmas break have to last so long!? I wish there could be an all day recess at schooool!
UUURRRGGGHHH!!! I neeeeed to see him, I miss him so flippppin' much!
anywhoooo...
I'm gunnna gooo, and make a bag of popcorn ;D
toodles... ( L ) xx.

Yesterday and Today.

Hello. (:
Right now I'm at my Nana's house because last night my computer crashed. I know, that probably sounds bad, but get this.. Tomorrow, I have a drug project due that I've been working on for a month and a story that is due on Thursday that I never made a rough copy for. So I lost all! OMG! I know! Thank goodness I sent my story to a guy and he managed to retreive it and then print it out for me. :D But on the other hand, there's my drug project... The whole thing got erased! What bothers me the most is that I had literally one thing left to do on the project! I am srewed!
So I talked to my teacher today about te whole thing and she's giving me until after the Christmas break to finish the whole project all over again! AGAIN! It's not like that's unfair or anything, but I'm just saying, it really sucks. I have to gather all my information all over again too!! Grr.
Anyways, onto the good news...
Today was amazing... All because of "him".
He totally made my day. I came to school pissed off because of stuff going on at home and my computer. But then I spent part of the day with him and he made it all better. I don't know what was different abot him today, but now I like him even more! : If thats even possible. That's probably the last thing he wants to hear.
I say this because it seems like every single time I talk to him, he always says, maybe we should stop liking each other, which leads me to think he doesn't want to like me. :(
But anyways, today was amazing, he is amazing, and things are pretty good right now.
Like I've said before, (I think I have...) he reads my blog, which means he's reading this...
So, hello. :) (L)
I totally don't want the Christmas break to come. No seeing him for two whole weeks!!!! Unless we hang out. :) Fingers crossed. Haha.
Rofl, you probably don't care, but I think this is funny. "He" had an extremely weird dream last night! Haha. It's starts off with me and him hugging...? (Wow, real dirty dreams ehh?) And then he randomly leaves for Dominican Republic for a week. When he comes back, he knocks on my door once and then decides to walk right into my house. Rofl. He goes and walks down the hallway in my house until he sees me and one of my guy friends making-out on my stairs. :S What the hell? Haha, so yeah. I just thought that was kind of funny. But I onder why he didn't just take m to the Dominican too! xD
Well, I shoud probably go now! My parents are picking me up soon! (N)
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

umh...

Ignore my last entry... I think.

Rumour or Truth?

So, my friend just told me that I have been led on once again.
Surprise, surprise.
I'm not sure what to believe or what not to believe anymore... Everything's so confusing, especially him. He's so hard to follow. One minute it feels as if nothing else in the world matters, and then at other times it's like, why is he so mean? I've noticed that he has different personalities around different people. I'm not sure if I'm just thinking that or if it's actually true.
But anyways, so yeah, apparently, he led me on and here I am, left to heal all by myself once again. I've done it before, so doing it again won't be too bad.
Anyhoo, yes. I am on the computer, and I shouldn't be... Woops.
So I guess I should go.
Bye. ( U ) xx.

arghhh! :@

Ohmigosh. My Mom is sooo mean!
We were sitting in the kitchen this morning, making french toast like a normal family would on a Sunday morning but then... The bomb hit.
She was being a bitch, so I was being a bitch back.
I was answering her with one word responses because I know that pisses her off. Ended up, I just got screwed in the end. Now I am grounded once again! (Y)
Three weeks this time. All because I told her that what she bought for my secret Santa was ugly and looked like something a seven year old would wear. She obviously took offense to that.
So now I have no computer for three weeks. And no, I'm not supposed to be on here right now typing out this blog... But my parents aren't home, so who cares right?
Urghh, she's so mean!
Anyways, I just got out of the shower, so I have to go dry my hair nowww.
Toodles. ( L )
ex.oh.ex.oh.

okey dokey thennn.

Well, well, well.
As you may have noticed... I deleted all my posts about "him".
I know, stupid move.
But yes, I do still like him. Obviously... *ovee* <-- only he'll get that. Kso; real story... We were drifting apart and I knew it. But now it seems better.. I think. So I have my fingers crossed. Anyhoooo, so last night I went under my Christmas tree and found the only presents that don't have tags or bows on them... Yes, those are always mine and my Mom thinks I haven't figured it out yet... Anyways. There's like 9 boxes under the tree that are all big. They bought A LOT for me, it's crazy. They already bought me skis, ski boots, bindings and poles too! Like omgness. I still have no clue what to get my bestfriend for Christmas, so if anyone has any suggestions.... Then let me know.

Thanks, flirtygirl ( L ) xx.