Good morning. It's very early, but I couldn't sleep. Insomnia tends to do that to you.
So, I haven't really written on here in a while. Sorry.
Let's go back to my last post. I was still head over heals for him, even though so much had happened. I felt like I should have been hating him, but I couldn't seem to let go.
My friends were very helpful to me during this whole thing. They were helping me to let go. And it really did help. Plus, the things that he was doing made me really want to let go. For me, letting go isn't something you can just, you know, do. I have to want to let go in order to actually do it. None of my friends knew, but I always still just had that little bit of hope in me that something would turn around and life would go back to before the Christmas break. They all thought I hated him and that there was no way of me liking him ever again.
They were wrong.
Actually, so was I.
Everyone thought that was the end... My last straw you could say. As a matter of fact, I did too. He went away sick for a week and through that time, it really did help me to let go, for good. But he came back from being sick a few days ago... And that was when I really knew, I didn't let go. I watched him flirt with my friends. That hurt. Really bad. It was like a total slap in the face.
But here's where it gets good...
I was talking to him a few nights ago and he said something that I didn't really understand at the time. This by the way, was one of the first times that we had talked in about 2 or 3 weeks. I was saying to him that we should just pretend that it never happened. But then he said, "we can't, and it would be awkward not liking each other."
What? I didn't quite know how to take that. did that mean that he likes me again? And that the only way that would work to communicate would be to like each other again? Or did it mean that he didn't want any communication with me at all? I would soon find out.
Yesterday, it was normal. We ignored each other at school, pretending that we had never even talked the night before. Typical. Then, my friend comes in the class and tells me that she was talking to him in the hall... About what? Me. She claims that he still likes me. But I can't really believe her can I? Like, everything he's done, it makes it pretty clear that he's done with me.
As the bell rang, we walked out the back doors, I didn't know if it was just me, but it looked like he was purposely walking slow so that I would catch up to him. Hmm. He held the door open, and I did too. Our hand almost touched. But really, like anything could ever happen between us again. As we turned around one corner of the school he starts beating up his friends (playfully, I think). He only does that to show off. It's cute. Sort of. So, I just kept walking, then I eventually had to pass him. So I punched him lightly in the stomach. Contact. Let's see what happens... Nothing. Okay? So I continued on to the front of the school, hugged all my friends goodbye for the long weekend, this was all at the same time that he was throwing my friend to the ground... Yes, she is a girl. So I left. And I went home. Logged onto msn. He did too. So I started a conversation.
Me: I think we made some progress today.
Him: You think so?
Me: Yes! We came in contact! I'm punched you!
Him: I prefer hugs, but you were on Steve the whole day.
Me: I hug him because he my best friend. And I'll remember the hug comment next time I go to punch you.
Blah blah blah.
Him: I hate school, I liked it better when we were closer.
Me: Closer?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Closer friends you mean right?
Him: Not really.
Whoa. What the hell!? He's so damn confusing! Like, honestly, pick a side! Like me or don't.
Then later on in the conversation, he pretty much said straight up that he never stopped liking me. And what do I do? I turn to goo and fall for him... AGAIN!
I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly, I've never really gotten over him either, but I just don't know how much more pain I'll be able to with stand. If I do end up falling hard again, I just wish he'd let me down gently. He has two very different sides. Dick and completely amazing guy.
The game that he plays is confusing, but somehow, I'm able to follow. Maybe hard ball is the way to play. If only I knew how. Haha.
So anyway, lets see what happens. I'm not going to set my standards high, because they'll just get crushed in a second. I'll make it through whatever happens this time. I hope.
- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.
So, I haven't really written on here in a while. Sorry.
Let's go back to my last post. I was still head over heals for him, even though so much had happened. I felt like I should have been hating him, but I couldn't seem to let go.
My friends were very helpful to me during this whole thing. They were helping me to let go. And it really did help. Plus, the things that he was doing made me really want to let go. For me, letting go isn't something you can just, you know, do. I have to want to let go in order to actually do it. None of my friends knew, but I always still just had that little bit of hope in me that something would turn around and life would go back to before the Christmas break. They all thought I hated him and that there was no way of me liking him ever again.
They were wrong.
Actually, so was I.
Everyone thought that was the end... My last straw you could say. As a matter of fact, I did too. He went away sick for a week and through that time, it really did help me to let go, for good. But he came back from being sick a few days ago... And that was when I really knew, I didn't let go. I watched him flirt with my friends. That hurt. Really bad. It was like a total slap in the face.
But here's where it gets good...
I was talking to him a few nights ago and he said something that I didn't really understand at the time. This by the way, was one of the first times that we had talked in about 2 or 3 weeks. I was saying to him that we should just pretend that it never happened. But then he said, "we can't, and it would be awkward not liking each other."
What? I didn't quite know how to take that. did that mean that he likes me again? And that the only way that would work to communicate would be to like each other again? Or did it mean that he didn't want any communication with me at all? I would soon find out.
Yesterday, it was normal. We ignored each other at school, pretending that we had never even talked the night before. Typical. Then, my friend comes in the class and tells me that she was talking to him in the hall... About what? Me. She claims that he still likes me. But I can't really believe her can I? Like, everything he's done, it makes it pretty clear that he's done with me.
As the bell rang, we walked out the back doors, I didn't know if it was just me, but it looked like he was purposely walking slow so that I would catch up to him. Hmm. He held the door open, and I did too. Our hand almost touched. But really, like anything could ever happen between us again. As we turned around one corner of the school he starts beating up his friends (playfully, I think). He only does that to show off. It's cute. Sort of. So, I just kept walking, then I eventually had to pass him. So I punched him lightly in the stomach. Contact. Let's see what happens... Nothing. Okay? So I continued on to the front of the school, hugged all my friends goodbye for the long weekend, this was all at the same time that he was throwing my friend to the ground... Yes, she is a girl. So I left. And I went home. Logged onto msn. He did too. So I started a conversation.
Me: I think we made some progress today.
Him: You think so?
Me: Yes! We came in contact! I'm punched you!
Him: I prefer hugs, but you were on Steve the whole day.
Me: I hug him because he my best friend. And I'll remember the hug comment next time I go to punch you.
Blah blah blah.
Him: I hate school, I liked it better when we were closer.
Me: Closer?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Closer friends you mean right?
Him: Not really.
Whoa. What the hell!? He's so damn confusing! Like, honestly, pick a side! Like me or don't.
Then later on in the conversation, he pretty much said straight up that he never stopped liking me. And what do I do? I turn to goo and fall for him... AGAIN!
I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly, I've never really gotten over him either, but I just don't know how much more pain I'll be able to with stand. If I do end up falling hard again, I just wish he'd let me down gently. He has two very different sides. Dick and completely amazing guy.
The game that he plays is confusing, but somehow, I'm able to follow. Maybe hard ball is the way to play. If only I knew how. Haha.
So anyway, lets see what happens. I'm not going to set my standards high, because they'll just get crushed in a second. I'll make it through whatever happens this time. I hope.
- flirtygirl. ( L ) xx.
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