Lots to say...

So since I dind't have a computer for a very long time, I wrote all of my blog thingies that I would usually write on here, on paper. There's a lot! So I'm going to go through day by day. Here we go...

December 23rd, 2008 (Tuesday) 11:18 p.m.
Hello! Long time no talk/type/blog, whatever. Two days until Christmas! I can't believe it, literally. It seems like there should be another month ahead before Christmas should come. This is honestly (to me) the best time of year. Everyone's happy, mostly and decorations are up, everyone eats like crazy, memories are made and families come together for a special occasion. I love Christmas! Maybe it just seems like Christmas shouldnt be here yet because I have other things on my mind... *cough*cough*him*cough*cough*
It's been really hard liking him lately. I haven't seen him in almost a week and it's driving me insane! What makes it worse, is I still dont have a computer to talk to him on! I might not be getting it back until later in January!! Urgh! So anyhoo, today, my bestfriend and I gave each other our Christmas gifts. She gave me two amazing shirts from Garage, and a whole bunch of other stuff that tie into inside jokes. Also a couple things that are completely random, but they are things that I adore. I gave her a pair of p.j.'s, earings, cndy canes, bath salt, bath gel, and insid joke of something that will help her sleep, and the smallest chocolate bar ever! Ahha, it was fun. We also filmed two new episodes or our coolio show that we have. Rofl.
So also, while she was over, her boyfriend called my house like ten billion times. He and my bestfriend were constantly talking about how much they hate "him". They just don't get it. She is my bestfriend, so I take her opinion into consideration a lot of the time. Even though I totally hate what she says about him. Grr. And when they say stuff about him, it hurts me too, because, I'm the one hat likes him. It sounds weird, but it makes sense in a weird way. I wish she could just see past all the stuff he does . It makes me so mad. Urghh! I've asked her to stop dishing him in front of me, but does she listen...? No.
Anyhoo, today was my Mom's birthday. Hbd Mom.I'm so very jelly of her! She got an iPod nano chromatic! It's purple too! I wish I could trade iPod's with her, ha. So, my amaaaazing cousins came down to spend her birthday with us. They'e both totally hilarious. I wish they were my brothers instead of cousins. They amaze me! (yn)
So tomrrow's Christmas Eve, Sanata comes. Ahha. So, I'm going to bed now.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

December 24th, 2008 (Wednesday) 11:07p.m.
I'm sitting in my room not making a sound. Why? Because I'm listening o my parents fight just outside my bedroom door.
"Its your family!"
"It's your fault!"
"I'm the one who pays the bills!"
I can hear it all.
Anyway, I'll try and tune them out. So today, I went shopping, out for lunch, went to my father's office to give him a coffee, came home, did my hair again,went to church (the one and only time I go in a year), go home, eat pizza (Christmas Eve tradition), go to my Grandma and Grandpa's, come home and then got to where I am now.
Doors are slamming. Including mine.
The fight is over.
I hear someone coming.
It was my Mom. She gave me my Christmas Eve present (tradition). It's a beautiful heart necklace from Fossil(?). I love it.
So Cristmas is almost here. My Mom just made me pinky promise her that I wouldn't go down stairs until tomorrow morning bcause she just stuffed my stocking.
Tomorrow should be fun... I hope.
I have four minutes left and then lights out.
I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas! :)
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

December 26th, 2008 (Friday) 11:46p.m.
Merry late Christmas!
Mine was fantastic, what about yours?
I got a lot of stuff. An overwhelming amount I would say. The boxes are all sitting beside me, in my room, piled on top of each other. My room is cram packed with gifts. Except for an area in the middle.
I use that small space to play Wii Fit. Ahha. It's amazing. I've been "working out" all day! If thats what you want to call it.
I got a TON of clothes! I'll probably have a new outfit every day for a month!
It was so hilarious when we were opening the presents because my Dad was sitting beside me and I opened a present from my Nana that kind of I guess you could say kind of "shocked" my Dad. I pulled my present out of the box and it was a polka dot lacey thong. Haha. The look on his face was priceless!
Otherwise, I got 11 hair products, a new round brush, 7 books, chocolates, 3 bras, a calendar, bill abong purse, lip gloss, body spray, amazing ski bag (along with all my other ski stuff), earings, 3 c.d.'s, make-up brushes, another thing for my Wii and NINTEEN boxes of clothes. I'm spoiled.
And then there comes the food, my favourite part of Christmas. I ate soooo much! I'm still bloated! I'm glad I still have a week to get back to a normal body shape! Ahha.
So, my Mom and I just watched Mama Mia, I hate it. It's too much of a musical. Barf.
Kso; Here I go onn yet another vent abou "him".
Ready? Probably not. Oh well.
So, I'm trying to erase him from my head/thoughts, whatever. I think about him waaaaaay too much. The hard thing is, everything makes me think of h!im! I can't watch t.v., movies, listen to music because all of those things lead me to think of "him"! I might as well go bury myself in a dep, dark hole... Then I might be able to get him off my mind! It actually hurts to think about him, so umh, owch! Cuz, I kind of always am!
For some weird reason, I have a feeling he's completely forgotten that I exsist 's probably off making-out with some other girl. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but it's just a thought. I can only hope that isn't what is acually happening. Ahha. So, I'm really tired, so I'm going to try and go to sleep now.
Everytime I think of him from now on, I'll think of something completely and utterly random... Like, umh... An ostritch or emu or something cool like that. xD
Rofl, goodnight. ( L ) xx.

December 27th, 2008 (Saturday) 3:11 p.m.
Kso; I just finished picking my heart up off the ground and stuffing it back in my chest. Why? Hmm... Gee, I dont know. Maybe because my bestfriend just called to tell me some fantastic news. Not. "He" has a girlfriend. What the haaay? (Yes Courtney, hay is indeed for horses.) So I was totally right about what I wrote about yesterday!
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
I just got my bestfriend to log onto my blog and write a post for me. I tried to make it seem nic an sweet, like I'm totally okay. Ha! We all know thats a crock! Oh my God! You don't even know how I feel right now! Actually I don't even know how I feel right now! Anger, tears, sadness, regret, stupidness, pointless and hurt. I guess you could say I have some mixed feelings. About twelve minutes ago, I promised mysel that I couldnt be mad at him for this because I had no control over the situation. But now, all the former thoughts of things he said are rushing through my head.
"I like you a lot, I just don't want a girlfriend."
"I miss you so much."
"I can't stop thinking about you."
He's a load of shit. If he couldn't stop thinking about me, then don't you think he might have thought about how I would feel after I found out about this?
He probably could care less about how I feel right now. He normally would, but ater the move he just made it's changed everything. He's probably thinking, "oh who cares, she'll get over it eventually." Yeah, key word... Eventually.
Random thought: The song Happily Never After is amazing.
Honestly, I should have just listened to my bestfriend and her boyfriend. They told me tons of times that he was going to screw me over, but I wouldn't believe them because that wasn't the guy that I knew. If only I had listened to him, I would have saved myself another heartbreak.
Either Cupid hates me or I just alays hapen to fall for the wrong guys. Which one is it?
There's so much I could say right now, but most of it would be too rude to direct to just one person. I just wish I knew why. I seriously dont understand how someone could just do that. This is now the third time in one year that I've gotten my heart crushed. All done different ways too. I wonder if guys like, sit up at night and plot how they'll lead on and then break the heart of the next girl. Do men have feelings whatsoever? Urgh! I wish for one day, just one day that they could be a girl and go through the hings we do everyday. 1. Get lead on! 2. Get your heart crushed. 3. Get ditched by their friends. 4. Period time! 5. Grounded! 6. Experience a thing called feelings.
That'd be nice.
God! They dont understand anything the way we do! Us girls take thins to the heart, guys take everyting to the dick. Guys are in things (like a relationship for example) or what they'll get out of it. That pisses me off.
Urgh! It's going to be soo toally awkward going back to school. I wish it wasn't this way, but that's just how the cookie crumbles most of the time.
I really dont care that I'm writing all is in my blog because its not like he'll ever navigate his way to this page ever again.
It's probably a good thing that I don't have my computer right now. Not talking to him, is for the best.
He TOTALLY led me on though!
He's had tons of experience with girls though. So I guess I kind of should have been expecting it? No. I shouldn't have. He wasnt like this a week ago.
So, I'm just blabbering on. 'm probably boring whoever is reading this. It's not my fault you decided to waste your time reading about my retarted life.
Anyway, I'll talk/type/blog to you later.
Bye, ( U ) xx.

December 29th, 2008 (Monday) 8:58p.m.
My life as a teenager is quite boring. Aside from all the drama.
I've done absolutly nothing all day. Sigh.
That is, except for reading the best book on Earth. The Breakup Bible. Ahha, it' not actually a "breakup bible" its a book... like a story. Very funny. You should read it.
So, right now, I'm lying on my bed, writing this, while I'm listening to my Mom sing a very off pitch version of "Lady" by The Stix. Maybe her getting an iPod wasn' a very good idea.
Well, you're probably wondering if there's a continuatin to the venting that was written on Saturday. Sure, why not. So, I'm starting to accept t he fact that he is indeed datng her and is so completely over me. I realize how angry I was at the time (along with along with all those other mixed feelings too) and now that I just read back over it, it seems kind of humourus. It's not like I was his girlfriend, so he pretty much had the total right to date her. I'm not defending what he did to me, because it wasn't right, but Im just saying, I didn't really see th ings from his perspective before. What he did was I guess okay, but I'm not.
But the good thing is, I'm not a total bummer to be around anymore.
I am sooo dreading going back to school though. What will happen? Will we ignore each other? I hope not. Be friends? I don't want to go back there! Back to where we were? Yeah, I only wish. Iunno, we'll have to wait and see. Urgh, this is so lame and geeeey!
Bye. ( L ) xx.

December 30th, 2008 (Tuesday) 11:57p.m.
Today was fun.
I went skiing with my Grandfather! I got ot try out all my new stuff. My skis havn't been waxed yet, so they were sticking to the snow. I wiped out as soon as I got on the first hill. It was hilarious! But then it was really fun!
So I just got back from my other bestfriend's house. She's amazing I love her to death. She actually here right now. She says hello... :S
So, tomorrow's New Years Eve.
New year, new beginning.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

Here We Go Again..

okay, well this isn't actually me right now, well it is me talking to a friend on the phone telling her what to write. this is cuz i STILL don't have my computer back.
i hope everyone had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!! i got an interesting surprise today.
Congratulations to me i just got screwed over once again.
I must be the biggest idiot on earth. to ever think anything would happen.
all his i don't want a girlfriend shit. and now he's got a girlfriend..
no warnings or anything.! ouch.
i try to make it seem like everything is okay in my head. but really it hurts like hell. i just wish for once, this one time only, that something would work out for me. i know we're young and i'm not getting married anytime soon. On one side i have to think how could i have fallen for all of this. and on the other side i have to think how could he have done this to me. this should be interesting going back to school in a week.
byeee for now i guess,
lovee me and my phone buddy. ( L ) xx.

ThisSucks..!

okay well this is a really big bummer.
Now i don't get my computer back until late January!
That means i cant talk to ANY of my friends over the Christmas break, i know... how suckish.
Another bummer...
I haven't seen "the guy" since last Thursdaaay. So yeeeah, I'm pretty much missing him to death. The only upside to this time of year is that Chirstmas is in three days. JEEZ! Why does Christmas break have to last so long!? I wish there could be an all day recess at schooool!
UUURRRGGGHHH!!! I neeeeed to see him, I miss him so flippppin' much!
anywhoooo...
I'm gunnna gooo, and make a bag of popcorn ;D
toodles... ( L ) xx.

Yesterday and Today.

Hello. (:
Right now I'm at my Nana's house because last night my computer crashed. I know, that probably sounds bad, but get this.. Tomorrow, I have a drug project due that I've been working on for a month and a story that is due on Thursday that I never made a rough copy for. So I lost all! OMG! I know! Thank goodness I sent my story to a guy and he managed to retreive it and then print it out for me. :D But on the other hand, there's my drug project... The whole thing got erased! What bothers me the most is that I had literally one thing left to do on the project! I am srewed!
So I talked to my teacher today about te whole thing and she's giving me until after the Christmas break to finish the whole project all over again! AGAIN! It's not like that's unfair or anything, but I'm just saying, it really sucks. I have to gather all my information all over again too!! Grr.
Anyways, onto the good news...
Today was amazing... All because of "him".
He totally made my day. I came to school pissed off because of stuff going on at home and my computer. But then I spent part of the day with him and he made it all better. I don't know what was different abot him today, but now I like him even more! : If thats even possible. That's probably the last thing he wants to hear.
I say this because it seems like every single time I talk to him, he always says, maybe we should stop liking each other, which leads me to think he doesn't want to like me. :(
But anyways, today was amazing, he is amazing, and things are pretty good right now.
Like I've said before, (I think I have...) he reads my blog, which means he's reading this...
So, hello. :) (L)
I totally don't want the Christmas break to come. No seeing him for two whole weeks!!!! Unless we hang out. :) Fingers crossed. Haha.
Rofl, you probably don't care, but I think this is funny. "He" had an extremely weird dream last night! Haha. It's starts off with me and him hugging...? (Wow, real dirty dreams ehh?) And then he randomly leaves for Dominican Republic for a week. When he comes back, he knocks on my door once and then decides to walk right into my house. Rofl. He goes and walks down the hallway in my house until he sees me and one of my guy friends making-out on my stairs. :S What the hell? Haha, so yeah. I just thought that was kind of funny. But I onder why he didn't just take m to the Dominican too! xD
Well, I shoud probably go now! My parents are picking me up soon! (N)
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

umh...

Ignore my last entry... I think.

Rumour or Truth?

So, my friend just told me that I have been led on once again.
Surprise, surprise.
I'm not sure what to believe or what not to believe anymore... Everything's so confusing, especially him. He's so hard to follow. One minute it feels as if nothing else in the world matters, and then at other times it's like, why is he so mean? I've noticed that he has different personalities around different people. I'm not sure if I'm just thinking that or if it's actually true.
But anyways, so yeah, apparently, he led me on and here I am, left to heal all by myself once again. I've done it before, so doing it again won't be too bad.
Anyhoo, yes. I am on the computer, and I shouldn't be... Woops.
So I guess I should go.
Bye. ( U ) xx.

arghhh! :@

Ohmigosh. My Mom is sooo mean!
We were sitting in the kitchen this morning, making french toast like a normal family would on a Sunday morning but then... The bomb hit.
She was being a bitch, so I was being a bitch back.
I was answering her with one word responses because I know that pisses her off. Ended up, I just got screwed in the end. Now I am grounded once again! (Y)
Three weeks this time. All because I told her that what she bought for my secret Santa was ugly and looked like something a seven year old would wear. She obviously took offense to that.
So now I have no computer for three weeks. And no, I'm not supposed to be on here right now typing out this blog... But my parents aren't home, so who cares right?
Urghh, she's so mean!
Anyways, I just got out of the shower, so I have to go dry my hair nowww.
Toodles. ( L )
ex.oh.ex.oh.

okey dokey thennn.

Well, well, well.
As you may have noticed... I deleted all my posts about "him".
I know, stupid move.
But yes, I do still like him. Obviously... *ovee* <-- only he'll get that. Kso; real story... We were drifting apart and I knew it. But now it seems better.. I think. So I have my fingers crossed. Anyhoooo, so last night I went under my Christmas tree and found the only presents that don't have tags or bows on them... Yes, those are always mine and my Mom thinks I haven't figured it out yet... Anyways. There's like 9 boxes under the tree that are all big. They bought A LOT for me, it's crazy. They already bought me skis, ski boots, bindings and poles too! Like omgness. I still have no clue what to get my bestfriend for Christmas, so if anyone has any suggestions.... Then let me know.

Thanks, flirtygirl ( L ) xx.

Today...

Was terrible.
Owch,

Things that girls find annoying about guys...

Guys should know some things that they do that annoy the hell out of us!

1. When guys say girls should do all the work.
2. When our boyfriends only call us "hot or sexy" and never "pretty or beautiful".
3. When you expect us to say "I love you" the minute we say yes when you ask us out.
4. Listen to us! We hate it when you have no clue what we're talking about.
5. Don't make us wait forever for you to ask us out, we are just as impatient as you are!
6. We want you to make the first move, we always end up having to do it!
7. Guys lead us on and pretend that they are sooo totally into us, but really, it's all a joke.
8. On msn, when guys only answer with one word responses.
9. Don't talk to us like we're an object... Talk to us like we are actually a human being.
10. When guys try to act all cool around their friends, but really, they're just making themselves look like a total dick.
11. When guys are totally clueless that we are falling all over them.
12. When they flirt with our best friend.
13. Don't just talk to us on msn, talk to us face to face too!
14. DO NOT EVER make physical contact with your girlfriend's friends... ex, touch their waist.
15. If we say we are cold, that's your cue to hug us, or wrap your arm around us. Don't just stand there like an idiot. You do that a lot!
16. Don't talk about masturbating right in front of us and then ask us what we do with our bodies.
17. Never play pocket pool right in front of us either.
18. Don't be a potty mouth.
19. Being rude to us, does not get you anywhere.
20. We aren't as strong as your friends are, so don't push/trip us.
21. Don't be fake.
22. You change your mind like every two seconds!
23. When you hug us too tight, like owch... We have boobs up there!
24. Don't ignore us.
25. Boobs don't count as eyes, so look at us in the right place.
26. Awkward silences are not good. Talk. Don't be shy.
27. Being clean isn't a crime.
28. Know when to draw the line.
29. Showing up late is the worst!
30. If you're our boyfriend... don't forget our birthday..
31. Guys must have the worst timing in the whole world!
32. You don't own us... So don't think that you do.
33. When guys date us or like us, they tend to think the littlest things are flirting. If we like you back, then you are the only person that we would want to be flirting with.
34. Guys are sooo oblivious to flirting.
35. If you dis our friends, that's pretty much dissing us too.
36. If you have a girlfriend, you shouldn't want to have all those other girls liking you too. Your girlfriend should be the only one you care about.
37. Mixed signals are stupid.
38. We can't read minds, most guys seem to think we can.
39. Don't lie to us... We'll find out eventually anyways.
40. Don't be Mr. Nice Guy around some people, Mr. Flirt around others and then a dick around the rest. Stick to one personality.

More coming later.

stop the fightttt!

another song by his band... Lucky Me. I just happen to find lots of things in the songs that I can relate to... Especially with my last post about home. My Dad wrote this one himself... Again, I'm only writing part of it.

Is this how it's supposed move,
where words once flowed like wine.
You can have your point of view,
but just remember, that I have mine.
Have we passed the point of no return (no return),
or are we running out... running out of,

(Chorus)
Time to stop the fight,
time to make it right.
Time to make it all go away.
Time to understand,
time to do what we planned,
Time to make it all, go away. (Go away)

We could try and find the middle ground,
or some sort of happy in between.
But now we're spinning round and round,
ending off, or so it seems.
Have we passed the point of no return (no return),
or are we running out... running out of,

I like it. :)
IT means a lot to my Dad and I. You'd understand if you read my "home" blog and then actually read the lyrics to what I just wrote.

xx.

makes yeaah think...

Okay, well, my Dad's in a band, and my Dad writes songs with the guys for the band. So a while ago, they made this song called, "Carpé Diem". It means seize the day. This song means so much to me, and the words are so meaningful. The first line of the song is, "don't let life scare you to death". When I think about it, the song makes so much sense.

Here's part of the song.... (My fave part;)

Don't look back, won't look back,
Cuz this world ain't gonna change.
Don't look back, won't look back,
Cuz it's time to turn the page.
Don't look back, won't look back,
Cuz the future is our stage.
Don't look back, can't look back, no, won't look back.

Don't let the world bring you down,
life is a journey to get lost in the grounds.
We could seize the day,
and step on the taking.
We could drift away,
A dream in the making.
Close your eyes and fly away.
Don't pass up the chance to see what could be...

There's more, but that's my fave part.

Bye. ( L ) xx.

Home.

A lot has happened in the last little while at home.
For years, my parents haven't gotten along. I've put up with it ever since I was a very little girl. I have to think that I'm what started everything. Before I was born, everyone was happy, well, in my family at least. Now everyday, it seems either I'm fighting with my Mom, or my parents are fighting with each other.
They keep saying that they are going to divorce and that they can't take all this fighting anymore, but they never do. What breaks my heart the most is that my Dad has stayed in the relationship for so long because of me. He wants to protect me, make sure I'm okay, so his life remains miserable, while he sticks up for me, day after day.
My Mom and I have never really gotten along that well. She puts on a show for everyone, and that makes my Dad and I so mad. She could be screaming the hell out of herself at us, but then the phone rings and she picks it up with a totally cheery voice that could speak for itself. "Oh, my house is perfect, my life's amazing, I have the perfect family."
Yeah. Bull shit.
It really sucks though, because I know that they actually will divorce one day, and my whole life will change.

I got proposed with a very amazing offer a couple weeks ago... But I had to turn that offer down because of home. My parents both wanted me to go, but I couldn't handle any more change in my life. I thought that it would be helping me by excluding the new change that was about to occur, but that just made matters worse... Way worse.
My parents both said at the start of this whole "offer" thing, that they would stand by me through whatever decision I made. My Dad stood by me through the whole thing and kept his promise of supporting whatever I decide. He was leaning me a bit more towards one thing, but I still went against it. My Mom on the other hand, she was dead set on her decision, and that decision was the total opposite of mine. She didn't care what I had to say or think, she was telling me what to do, and what decision to make.
Because of me saying no, I caused an eruption in my house. For about a week, there were tears flying everywhere and the house was silent. All the yelling had been done. No one would talk to each other. We didn't want anything more to happen to our family than what had already happened.
Finally, silence broke. A birthday rolled along and we were forced to seem like a happy family in front of all our relatives.

Since that birthday, we've been okay... I guess. Not as much fighting as usual. Which is good, but I just want it all to end, if that means divorce, then so be it.

Everyone always says my parents look so nice, and so happy, and that my life is so great... But they don't know what goes on behind closed doors, do they?

I'm fake.

I just realized how fake I really am.
I always try to smile, make everyone think that I'm happy, that I'm okay, but I'm not.
So many things are going on in my life right now, and I just don't know how to handle everything.
Every time I start to think that things just might start to get better, it changes.
I have come to learn that life is a bitch.
Not everything goes how it's supposed to. And it never will.
The thing that's bothering me the most now, is if I start to act like my actual self, what will people think of me...?
A lot of people only like me because I'm happy, and with me being happy, it makes them happy. So what's going to happen when I'm not the happy one. Who will take my place? I can't pretend anymore. It's too hard to be someone I'm not.
I'll have no friends, no guys will like me, my family will get worried and I won't know what to do anymore.
Everything in life just keeps piling on top of the pile of crap I already have going. But the pile keeps getting bigger and bigger and things keep getting harder to remove from the pile.
A lot of things are going on in my life, that even my bestfriend doesn't know... And I tell her everything. It feels like I'm digging myself a grave. I'm fake, and I know that now. The fake smile, the fake happiness, the fake friends, the fake home, the fake family.
It's all fake.

My luck with guys...

Last Year
There was this guy that I liked last year... And I really liked him. I freaked out when he talked to me. I know, I was SUCH a freak.
Anyways, all year long I was trying to build up the courage to tell him that I liked him. All my friends told me "DO NOT LIKE HIM!" I knew the guy longer than all of them, but I guess they could see what I couldn't.
He always said mean things to me that would hurt me so much. I would go home a lot of days and cry. He was mean. But he was really hot though. And I knew that he had a soft side, but he would rarely ever show it. He would say things that were meant to hurt me.
So the school year was coming to an end so I decided it was the time. I had to do it.
(My guy just signed on msn.) Anyways, school ended on the Thursday so I sent him and offline message on msn telling him that I like him. We went to school on the Thursday, it being the last day, and i totally ignored him. But he only came to school for about a half an hour and then he went home! I was like wtf?
So I actually was secretly happy about that.
So mid-way through the day, my bestfriend texted him and said "she wasn't joking about liking you." He sent her a nasty text back saying, "I never liked her, not even as a friend and I never will. She's an ugly faggot!"
My bestfriend showed me the message and I was very calm about it... For a while.
I gave her the phone back, asked to go to the bathroom and started bawling as soon as I got there. A few minutes passed and a couple of my friends wandered into the bathroom to ask if I was okay and everything.
That day sucked! So then later on that day, while I was still at school, I talked to him on her cell phone. He said that he thought I said that I was joking about liking him and that's why he said all that stuff... Well that's a total lie, and we all know it! So we didn't talk for a very long time.
So when this school year started back up again.. it was very awkward.
But thankfully I'm the type of person that forgives quickly. I don't hold grudges and I never plan to. So now we are friends and we talk like normal people to each other.
We have forgotten that any of that had ever happened and I'm happy about that because I never want to remember the pain I went through in those few months that I liked him.

Earlier this year I liked another new guy. We started dating about four days into the school year. He was amazing. I really liked him. And I thought he did too. He kissed me. I was totally happy.
Everything came as such a surprise the day he dumped me. It was two or three days after the kiss. His reasoning was that I was a distraction to his hockey and he really wanted to make rep this year. I couldn't believe it.
Later on I found out the real reason why. Apparently he stopped liking me about two days into the relationship... So I couldn't figure out why he kissed me. It makes no sense to me now when I think about it.
He's always been a player and I don't know why I didn't see it before but I guess that's just my luck.
He never ended up making the rep team.. Haha, too bad for him.
No jks, I'm not mean like that. I like rainbows and happiness. ROFL!
Okay, I'm not that cheery! xD
But I finally got over him about a month ago now. Maybe more.

When I try and let go of guy, it's very hard for me. I can't just stop liking someone and then it all goes away. That's the thing that drives me crazy about when I like a guy.

Anyways, now I'm onto the most recent guy. He's amazing, but there's just some thing that I'm wondering about... You know , the things I wrote in my last blog.

So I just hope that something good will happen sometime soon!

Toodles. ( L ) xx.

no more Britney Spears concert.

Omfg!!! Me and my bestfriend were going to go to the Britney Spears concert right? It's in 102 days and we were honestly counting down because we were so excited! But now... We saw how much the tickets cost and now we can't go!!!
The floor tickets were $2600!!!! Like what the hell? Who would honestly spend THAT much per ticket to see Britney Spears!?
Like, she's amazing, but not THAT amazing!
We might have ONE MORE CHANCE to get tickets though, Her mom might be able to take us but we'll only be sitting in the nose bleed seating area. *sob*sob*sniffle*sniffle*
Those tickets are $65, which I till think is a bit much but still, when I went for the Justin Timberlake concert, the tickets were bad too but I still had TONS of fun!
I REALLY hope that we can still go and just around to Britney Spears like the coolio losers that we are!
Ohemgee, this honestly sucks so bad.
EVERYONE wanted to go to that concert and we were going, now we can'... How lame.
Life can be mean sometimes.
Anyhoo... Toodles. ( L ) ( N ) xx.

she's my bestfriend but...

Okay, my bestfriend is totally awesome. We are almost exactly alike, but there's one thing about her that is something I can only wish to have.
She has never been betrayed by her friends and she's always been included in what you could call the "popular" group. She's accepted by anyone very easily. I could only wish that it could be the same for me.
But now onto the guys in her life... My bestfriend is SUPER pretty, very smart, athletic, friendly and she has the body to go along with everything. She's the ideal girl right? Well all the guys seem to think that too. Obviously.
Most girls have to flirt a lot to get the guys that they are after. Well, not her. She could get a guy by sneezing on them! It's effortless.
So what happens with her is she dates a guy for a while and then a new guy comes along... So she dumps the old guy and gets the new guy. (She does it nicely though, and she's totally NOT a slut.)
The one thing that sucks though is that a lot of people get hurt while this is going on.
One of my other friends has liked a guy for quite a while now and she's been trying really hard to make him just look at her and pay a little attention to her for even one second and now he likes me bestfriend. This other friend of mine is crushed, because she's been trying for so long and then suddenly he see my bestfriend in a new light and then they get together. But the worst part is that she already has a boyfriend right now. She going to break up with him, but I still don't think the whole situation is right.
Don't get me wrong, she will always be my bestfriend and I will stand by her through whatever decision she makes but I just hope everything works out for the right in the end.

Toodles, ( L ) xx.

why the word love is stupid...

The word love is honestly so stupid. (Most of the time.) Here's my reasoning.

1. It's SOOOO overused!
2. When people say it... They don't ACTUALLY mean it.
3. It never lasts as long as it's supposed to.
4. Some people just say it because they don't know what else to say.
5. Girl's love because they mean it, guys love for what they'll get. (If you know what I mean.)
6. One person can love and one person will never feel the same way.
7. It's often wasted.
8. People in elementary school don't even know what love is yet. They'll figure it out someday.
9. It is misused for the wrong reasons sometimes.
10. It has too many meanings, and people say it WAAAAAY too much.

That's just what I think though. Iunno, I may be wrong. But That's just how I feel.
I never say love to a person of my liking. That's why I either say "I heart you" or "I loke you".
Love is WAY to big. If any of my friends ever say they love someone, I'll yell at them. That's just how cool I am. :)

Anyhoooo........
That's it for nowww. :)
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

this guy.

Well, I really like this guy. And I think he's totally amazing but seriously he's clueless!
It's so weird how everything has worked out!
If you want the full scoop on everything check out Jay.Cee's blog and that's my first blog thingie I've ever written and it was posted on hers. :)
There's no real point in writing everything over again, so just go look at hers and read it.
If you don't, you probably won't understand anything else that I'm going to blog.

I hate it the most when he tries to act all different when his friends are around. It's like he's a totally different person. I know, all guys are like that, but it's SO stupid! Girl's can be the EXACT same person around a guy that they are around their friends, so why can't guys work that way too?

I think it's very dumb.

Jay.Cee and I have VERY similar problems. But her guy is totally and completely different from mine... So it kinda makes no sense, but it actually does... All at the same time.

Anyhoo... I'm going to go make a list of why the word love is stupid.
Toodles. ( L ) xx.

blog. <3

Ohemgee, I now have a blog.
Coolness. so this blog will be used as a venting area for me to let go of my thoughts.
So I guess you could call it an anonymous diary. Even though it's pretty obvious who I am. Well, to the people I know at least.
So, I'm starting to sound realyl boring so I'll stop now.
More to follow soon :)