I'm fake.

I just realized how fake I really am.
I always try to smile, make everyone think that I'm happy, that I'm okay, but I'm not.
So many things are going on in my life right now, and I just don't know how to handle everything.
Every time I start to think that things just might start to get better, it changes.
I have come to learn that life is a bitch.
Not everything goes how it's supposed to. And it never will.
The thing that's bothering me the most now, is if I start to act like my actual self, what will people think of me...?
A lot of people only like me because I'm happy, and with me being happy, it makes them happy. So what's going to happen when I'm not the happy one. Who will take my place? I can't pretend anymore. It's too hard to be someone I'm not.
I'll have no friends, no guys will like me, my family will get worried and I won't know what to do anymore.
Everything in life just keeps piling on top of the pile of crap I already have going. But the pile keeps getting bigger and bigger and things keep getting harder to remove from the pile.
A lot of things are going on in my life, that even my bestfriend doesn't know... And I tell her everything. It feels like I'm digging myself a grave. I'm fake, and I know that now. The fake smile, the fake happiness, the fake friends, the fake home, the fake family.
It's all fake.